That's Something You Don't See Every Day, Chauncey

Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!

Posts Tagged ‘IM Fun’

IM Fun: Reading comprehension FTW.

Posted by kozemp on November 14, 2010

Hackett: Chelski win?

Me: Ugh.
Me: Lost 3-0 at home to Sunderland.
Me: Terry and Alex both out hurt, playing without CBs is not good.

Hackett: Wow.
Hackett: I really didn’t know.
Hackett: That’s great!

Me: You’re a whorebag.

Hackett: I used to be.
Hackett: I’m monogamous now.

Me: No.
Me: You’re not a whore.
Me: You’re a whoreBAG.
Me: You’re the little fake Prada purse the whore carries her condoms and lube in.

Hackett: … that was a pretty awesome insult.
Hackett: I bow to your ability.

Me: Damn right.


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IM Fun: HEALTHCARE REFORM ZOMG DEATH!!!!!!1111oneoneshift_one

Posted by kozemp on March 22, 2010

Me: Yay! We’re socialists!

Stephen: YAAAAY!
Stephen: Our day has come!
Stephen: Arrrriiiiiiiise!
Stephen: Ye victims of oppression!

Me: Do I count as a victim of oppression?

Stephen: Yes?
Stephen: YES!
Stephen: We are not the owners.
Stephen: Therefore we are the workers.

Me: I own things.
Me: And I’m unemployed.

Stephen: Do you own people?
Stephen: Property?
Stephen: Ah.
Stephen: Then you must go to a camp.

Me: Like, summer camp?

Stephen: There is a work farm in Missouri.
Stephen: You will make widgets for our glorious leader.

Me: That doesn’t sound like summer camp.

Stephen: They will come for you.
Stephen: It has already begun.

Me: I knew I should have voted for Kodos.


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IM Fun: Reading comprehension is very important.

Posted by kozemp on January 28, 2010

Me: It might be noted that my deep-seated need to amuse people is the root of a number of my problems.

Stephen: See, I read amuse as “abuse.”

Me: …

Me: And now I am sad.

Stephen: And I am amused.

Stephen: Blam!

Me: I’m going to take a shower and think about where my life went wrong.

Me: It will be a long shower.

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IM Fun: Make it so.

Posted by kozemp on January 5, 2010

David: So surgery tomorrow morning?

Me: 800 hours.

David: Good luck, sir.

Me: Thanks.

David: What’s the objective?

Me: Removing part of my spine.

David: Will the surgery resemble anything like that episode of TNG where Crusher replaced Worf’s spine?

Me: Ah, no.

Me: It will not.

David: That would have been cool.

Me: Yeah.

Posted in Life | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

IM Fun: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Posted by kozemp on October 7, 2009

After perusing some of the Facebook reaction to the Phillies win in Game 1 of the NLDS, which was momentarily marred by a picture breakdown…

John: My favorite new idiotic Philadelphia sports fan behavior: complaining about Comcast’s inability to control solar flares.

Michael: People are complaining?

John: Oh yes.

John: “WTF Comcast, why is my picture screwed up? You suck!”

John: Well, Johnny, your picture is screwed up because sometimes giant nuclear explosions happen on the surface of the sun that send out enormous waves of radiation which momentarily disturb satellite signals.

Michael: Well WTF sun!

John: Exactly.

Michael: You think you’re so cool with nuclear explosions.

John: I know, what a bastard the sun is.

Michael: Like what does the sun actually do for us anyway?

John: Seriously. Like causing plants to create oxygen is such a big deal.

Michael: I know! F you photosynthesis!

John: And don’t even get me STARTED on the water cycle.


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