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Posts Tagged ‘star wars’

When I said we needed a ship, I should have been more specific.

Posted by kozemp on August 20, 2018

I got Battlefront 2 on sale last week. I played it over the weekend.

This has greatly angered me.

I’m not talking about gameplay here – it’s a Star Wars game, the gameplay is bad, ’twas ever thus. I DO want to talk about it as a Star Wars story, because that’s what pissed me off about it.

The GOTY pack I bought presents the main game and Resurrection (the DLC) as basically of a piece, but I can recognize what was supposed to be the end of the original game thanks to the 65 point cheevo that pops during the last cutscene. But whether they’re presented together or separately my reaction to both the end of the main campaign and the end of Resurrection is the same:


I am fine with main characters dying. I am fine with main characters dying in Star Wars. I am not saying this is something that can’t be done and done well – Rogue One may be my favorite Star Wars movie and everyone dies in that.

My issue is not that “the main characters die.”

I had said to a friend of mine as I was playing it that the Inferno Squad face turn happens very, very quickly. I sort of get why this happens. I tried to read the Inferno Squad book and I was really put off by how gung-ho Iden was about the awesomeness of being an Imperial soldier. (The first chapter of the book is her inner monologue about how great the destruction of Alderaan was, and that was not a voice I wanted in my head for however many hours.) I like to think LSG, or whoever was ultimately responsible for the story of the game, recognized that there might have been a limit to how much people wanted to actively advance the Empire’s agenda. So I get why they change sides so fast in terms of the timeline of the game.

The Inferno Squad face turn happens very quickly both in terms of how early in the game it comes and the speed with which it happens when it does. Del meets Luke for 20 minutes and suddenly is willing to renounce everything he’s known his entire life – he literally says at one point “I was raised to believe the Jedi were monsters.” (Whatever the actual line is, I’m paraphrasing.) Iden is a super-SUPER Imperial zealot until Operation Cinder targets her homeworld and she makes the “fuck all THIS” choice in about four seconds flat.

And still I’m fine with those choices. It’s narrative. It’s drama. And we clearly don’t want an RPG-length game here (the campaign, like most shooter campaigns, is criminally short) so we compress things. Okay, fine. Del and Iden join the Rebellion and are instantly welcomed and become a crucial part of post-Endor operations within what the game explicitly tells us is a few weeks. They more or less single-handedly win the Battle of Jakku, crush the Empire, and finally get together (I’d been waiting for that since like the third mission) and enjoy their peaceful life forever.

That last cutscene on Jakku happened and I was like “hey, alright, that’s a solid ending to this good but very short game.”

Then we jump to “decades later” and I’m like “okay, well, an epilogue. Sure.”

This epilogue turns out to be the actual end of the game, which from a pure storytelling perspective is really annoying since the game has clearly already ended. So by about ten minutes into this scene I’m already a little wary because we are getting Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’d. The game is long over. Yet we are still playing. But Kylo Ren is kinda fun, so we go with it.

Then Hask shows up again and I kinda mutter “uh…” Then Hask kills Del and I mutter “you’ve gotta be kidding me” as the notification for that 65-pointer pops and I realize I have reached the end of the original game.

I texted my friend Shawn, the biggest Star Wars fan I know, “I am NOT happy about this.”

But I know there’s still the DLC to come. I roll right into it, relishing the thought of spending a few missions directing what I am certain will be Iden Versio’s bloody and glorious revenge against Gideon Hask.

Then at the end of that Iden dies and I throw my controller into the couch and shout “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” to my empty living room.

I was not pissed that Del and Iden died, that characters I had grown to like and whose ending together I was satisfied with, died. I was pissed because Del and Iden die for ABSOLUTELY NO GODDAMN REASON. If the point of the story had been that Inferno Squad were bad, and even though they joined the Rebellion they still could never live down what they had done for the Empire, then their deaths might have meant something. Then we have a story about how you can’t escape your past. That isn’t what this story does, though. Inferno Squad joins the Rebellion and are instantly treated as welcome brethren. There is never so much as a passing mention of their past misdeeds. Once Iden and Del defect they are The Good Guys, end of.

Then, at the end of the story, they just die. They don’t even die FOR anything. Del dies because he gets randomly caught by Hask. Iden dies because Hask gets off a lucky shot before he falls off a walkway. (Seriously. First Order. RAILINGS.) Del doesn’t die trying to protect Lor San Tekka. Iden doesn’t die trying to save Zay. They just die.

Compare this with Rogue One, a story about a group of people each deciding to find something worth dying for – and each one of them chooses where and when they’re going to die for it. Hell, compare it with the great “no one is safe” narrative of our time, A Song of Ice and Fire. For however shocking they are in a reading sense, everyone there dies because of something in the story. Ned dies because he’s too stuck in his ways. Robb dies because he trusts the wrong people. Tywin dies because he rejected his son. The list goes on.

Del and Iden just die, which leaves us a story that is about… what, exactly? I’m honestly not even sure. The closest I can come up with is something like “be good, be evil, whatever, it doesn’t matter, we’re all going to get it in the end” and while I suppose you could create a story about that – actually now that I think about it that is sort of what The Departed is about – that isn’t Star Wars. That isn’t close to Star Wars. I’m not saying Star Wars has to be one specific thing but there are definitely things Star Wars is NOT and “eh, <moral relativism>, <shrug>” is definitely one of those things Star Wars isn’t.

So there you have it. Battlefront 2. A not-very-good game that also turned out to have a not-very-good story. At least I didn’t pay full price for it.



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An Open Letter to International Business Times Editor Shawn Moynihan

Posted by kozemp on September 2, 2011

Dear Shawn:

I read your letter, and in the spirit of the times – open letters are all the rage now, apparently – I thought I would respond in kind.

You and I have been friends for no small number of years, thanks in part to our mutual love of Star Wars. You’re the biggest Star Wars fan I know, and I mean that as an honest and great compliment. You and I both travel in social circles where being a big fan is pretty common, but out of everyone I know who loves Star Wars, I’ve always felt that you were one of the few who “got it.”

You were the guy who, like me, loved Star Wars not just for special effects or its place in filmmaking history or as fuel for an obsessive need to collect things (though you and I both indulge in all of those). You were the guy who connected with the weight behind the hype, who realized that the important thing about Star Wars wasn’t sound design or toys or editing.

You recognized that Star Wars is the quintessential modern myth in the quintessentially ancient sense. You recognized that Star Wars is a story designed to teach lessons, and fundamentally important lessons at that: Star Wars is the simplest, easiest way to teach children why it’s important to be good, to stand up for what’s right, and to help people in need.

Yes, there are other vehicles for those lessons as we get older. Tolkein does most of the heavy lifting once we hit the teenage years. In college and beyond we can literalize the subject by studying Kant or Aquinas or stick with pop culture and drink deeply from A Song of Ice and Fire or the adventures of The Doctor.

But if you want to teach a 7-year-old kid the difference between right and wrong and why it’s important to do right, and have that lesson stick with him his entire life, letting him watch Star Wars to his heart’s content is more effective than a thousand sermons. And you, Shawn, understand that better than anyone I know.

So yesterday, when I saw on my Twitter feed a post from @ShawnMoyn that read “Dear Mr. Lucas: Are These Blu-Ray Tweaks Really Necessary?” I thought, oh dear, I hope Shawn hasn’t abused his position at the IBT to launch a public broadside against George Lucas.

I clicked the link, and four seconds later I thought, oh dear, he has.

Most of the points you make in your letter – almost all of them, really – are spot-on. There can be precious little argument that, in a purely objective sense, George Lucas is a terrible, terrible filmmaker, or that his continued depredations upon the Original Trilogy are precisely that: depredations. I didn’t need to read your letter to know that you feel the same way (though in your letter you articulate those thoughts in your usual excellent manner).

I got a little worried when you flirted with the demonstrably idiotic (and distressingly prevalent) notion that fans “own” Star Wars in some way, but I thought you nicely redeemed that misstep by making the point that part of being an artist is knowing when to stop working, and that Lucas is risking severe fan alienation by not realizing that.

But George Lucas isn’t the problem, Shawn.

You are.

You close your letter by saying that despite the fact that you hate what Lucas is doing to the Original Trilogy, you are going to buy the Blu-Ray boxed set anyway.

My friend, as a wise man once said, “that… is why you fail.”

I’m not certain I buy the other distressingly prevalent notion that Lucas keeps tinkering with the Original Trilogy because he wants to suck money directly from fans’ wallets. There surely comes a point where even someone like George Lucas has enough money, and after making 1.4 gajillion dollars from Star Wars (that is an exact figure, I looked it up) I’m pretty sure Lucas is past that point.

No, Shawn, the reason Lucas keeps changing the films is because Star Wars fans like you KEEP BUYING THEM. At the end of the day, my friend, this is still showbusiness – you of all people know that – and there’s no booth at the local high school here: you vote with your wallet, and for going on 15 years now Star Wars fans like you and me and countless others have overwhelmingly voted again and again to let George Lucas keep making changes to the films we love so much.

This time, though, I’m voting no. I’m pulling the other lever for once. I’m cancelling my pre-order of the Blu Ray set. Yes, it’s true that I am in a small minority, and that my un-purchase won’t actually accomplish anything. My protest vote is, in the end, a futile gesture.

But these movies I watched as a kid taught me that you have to do the right thing no matter what.

I hope, Shawn, that you are strong enough in the Force to do the right thing as well.

K’oyacyi, ner vod,


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You were deceived.

Posted by kozemp on June 4, 2009

This week saw the release of the first trailer for The Old Republic. Though Bioware’s propensity for taking a reeeeeeaalllllllyyyyyy loooooooooonnnnnnnng tiiiiiiiiimmmmmme on development means it is unlikely the game will see release in our lifetime, and even if it does you will need a computer that can pass a Turing test to run the game, it’s fun to pretend that someday you might actually get to play this:

As I said to some folks when I first passed on the link: even if you aren’t the video gaming sort, if that doesn’t make you want to pick up a lightsaber and kick some ass then you are seriously soul-deficient.

With the double-whammy of The Force Unleashed and the announcement of The Old Republic, video games have basically become the vanguard of Star Wars storytelling. As someone who rolls with most of the other available Star Wars outlets I can tell you this is true if not necessarily fair. The comics and the novels are good – occasionally very, very good – but despite how well-crafted a character is (Kal Skirata, Zayne Carrick) or how beautifully-drawn a comic can be (Jan Duuresma FTW) when it comes to Star Wars nothing can ever truly match the visceral thrill of watching a huge space battle or a fantastic lightsaber fight. Yes, Legacy and Republic Commando are fantastic. They are OUTSTANDING books in their own right. But they’re not the same as watching Star Wars.

(Yes, I am aware that The Clone Wars is out there, but… good lord, I can’t figure out what the fuck that show is.)

So when it comes to actually watching new Star Wars, until the vaporware that is the HBO series materializes all we’re left with is video games. (You want to go back and watch Episodes I-III, hey, be my guest. I’ll be over here preferring to stick hot knives into my genitals.) This is a classic good-news-bad-news proposition.

Killing stormtroopers is very satisfying.

Killing stormtroopers is very satisfying.

It gives us things like The Force Unleashed, which is a truly amazing Star Wars movie. I’m serious. If you love Star Wars you owe it to yourself to play through, or watch someone else play through, The Force Unleashed. It has a fantastic script, great performances, and killer action sequences. It’s basically the best Star Wars movie since 1983. Unfortunately (this is the “bad news” part of the deal), this great Star Wars movie is trapped inside a terrible, TERRIBLE video game. I’m not going to go into a long thing on why it’s a bad game – just trust me, it is – but you might want to go with the “watching someone else play” option, because playing it yourself is incredibly frustrating.

It gives us things like The Old Republic, where every time even a bare fraction of information comes out about that game it is pored over, analyzed, dissected, deconstructed, reconstructed, and then deemed to be absolutely perfect. Now comes the trailer and it isn’t a bare fraction of information, it’s a massive tome, it’s a fucking Neal Stephenson novel, and once again every letter is completely perfect. This is a game made by people who GET IT. We’ve known that since they made Knights of the Old Republic, which is still probably the single best Star Wars game ever made. They get Star Wars. Most importantly, they get how we REACT to Star Wars. Barring a meteor striking Bioware’s offices and completely wiping out the development staff The Old Republic is almost certainly going to be the definitive Star Wars game experience.  Bioware is one of only two software houses (Blizzard the other) whose success rate is essentially 100%. The Old Republic will blow your mind. It’s a guarantee. The downside? You’re going to have to wait years to play the game, and don’t misunderstand: it’s going to be several years. Perfection doesn’t come quickly. And when it comes out you’re going to have to upgrade your computer to an obscenely expensive, absolute top-of-the-line, Neuromancer level rig to even have a shot at running the game. Perfection doesn’t come cheap either.

These are prices I’m willing to pay, however.

Why Star Wars is important – both to me and in general – and why I and others are so attached to it is another piece entirely, but for now let’s just concede those points. I’m willing to pay these prices for the privilege of watching good Star Wars, and pay other prices for reading it, because these ancillary stories are the only option for Star Wars that doesn’t make me want to hurt things. George Lucas gets a lifetime pass for CREATING Star Wars, though it’s only a lifetime pass from, like, me kicking him in the junk if I ever saw him on the street. Not the kind of lifetime pass where I can look at something like Episode II and say, “well, that was in no way horrible.” The fact that other people have taken Lucas’ creation and made things that are profound and moving from it – Kirshner and Kasdan, Karen Traviss, John Ostrander – proves that a) there is something intrinsic to Star Wars, something as simple and fundamental as a FEELING, that resonates, and b) talent actually counts for something.

Because, let’s be honest with ourselves here. I am perfectly willing to ignore the outside, business impact of Star Wars and say that the man is a brilliant technician who revolutionized moviemaking. But Lucas is a terrible writer. TERRIBLE. Oh my great gods he’s terrible. And I don’t mean in, like, that John Grisham or Tom Clancy way where he has a great story but can’t put sentences together (though I hear Grisham actually got good). I mean in a fundamental, bare bones, concrete foundation sort of way. The man cannot write. Period. He has an eight-year-old’s grasp of storytelling: it starts with “once upon a time” and ends with “they all lived happily ever after” (or, in the prequel trilogy’s case, “unhappily”) and everything in between is just a bunch of shit that happens for no discernible reason. Characters exist solely to advance the plot. In the George Lucas vision of Star Wars EVERYTHING exists solely to advance the plot, and in case you haven’t noticed, Stephen King was right: plot is stupid. Plot is boring. The best stories, the lasting stories, are about character and emotion and if there are two things on this Earth that George Lucas has absolutely zero knowledge of, the first is character and the second is emotion.

Look at it this way: just before Episode III came out me and Stephen were talking beforehand about what Lucas could do at that point to save the movie franchise from being utter dreck. Even in those first two awful movies, and even with Hayden Christiansen’s cringe-worthy performance, there was a character there. Anakin’s story was a quest for power and respect. It wasn’t about his shrew of a girlfriend or his long-lost mommy or his traumatic fucking childhood or any of that stupid shit. Anakin is the classic wimpy little kid who hits a growth spurt in fifth grade and is suddenly bigger than everyone else: he’s a bully. He was a kid who got a taste of power, of REAL power, and he wanted more of it. He wanted more and more of it until he eventually wanted all of it. Now THAT is a character, despite Lucas’ best efforts to the contrary. So eventually Stephen and I came to a conclusion: how do you make Anakin’s turn to the Dark Side interesting? You make it about power. You make it about something he WANTS.

This is basic acting theory: in this scene, what does my character want? For a guy who spent his entire adult life around actors it’s amazing Lucas never heard this philosophy, because what we got in Anakin’s transformation was the most laughable element of the entire trilogy. Why does Anakin turn to the Dark Side? Because some dude in a bathrobe tells him to. THAT’S IT. THAT IS FUCKING WELL IT. It’s one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever seen in a movie. I remember joking about it with my parents after the movie came out:

Palpatine: “Come to the Dark Side, Anakin. We have cookies.”

Anakin: “Okay!”

Fucking. STUPID.

It wasn’t about power. It wasn’t about his desires. It was about turning him into Vader because he had to be Vader by the end and we’re running out of movie. On Mustafar, after a whole fight where he spewed wretched, mind-curdling dialogue about how Anakin has truly crossed the line and has to be stopped permanently, when Anakin has no arms and no legs and is ON FUCKING FIRE, why doesn’t Obi-Wan finish him off, which was the reason the whole fight happened in the first place? Because he has to be Vader by the end and now we’re REALLY running out of movie.

Purple lightsabers hurt more than other colors.

Purple lightsabers hurt more than other colors.

Contrast that with the recent Legacy storyline in the novels where Jacen’s fall to the Dark Side is actually motivated by something: he’s trying to protect his daughter. All he wants is to keep her safe. He just makes the slight overcalculation that the way to do that is to, er, force everyone to play nice together and kill anyone who disagrees. But, killer twist: in the end, even though he gets his ass shanked by his own sister, that’s exactly what he gets. Everyone is united (against him). His daughter is safe (with his parents, who he repeatedly tried to kill). His twin sister gets to fulfill her destiny (by killing him). The dude becomes pure evil, for all the right reason, he’s murdered by his own family, AND HE STILL FUCKING WINS ANYWAY.

That’s the difference between being an actual writer and being a guy with a pencil and paper. The difference between plot and emotion. It’s why The Old Republic is going to be awesome and we still can’t bear to watch the goddamned prequels. It’s the difference between George Lucas and everyone else who makes Star Wars:

Knowing that there has to be more than “we have cookies.”


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